Okay, God has been clearly teaching me something over the past couple of days. In order for me to be able to confidently say, “OKAY LORD. I get it!”, I think I need to type it out. Maybe you can learn something, too.
Ecclesiastes 1 and James 4:1-12 is where this all started. So if you want my frame of reference, go read those passages first.
God has revealed to me through two separate teachings on these passages that I have a problem. My problem is, I rely on things that aren’t God to fulfill me, satisfy me, and to make my life matter. In reality, God is the only thing that can and will make me completely fulfilled, satisfied, and make my life matter. But I constantly try to put other things in that hole.
- Marriage/getting engaged
None of these things are inherently bad. It’s not bad for me to want any of them or for them to bring me joy. But it is bad for me to rely on them to satisfy me, fulfill me, and to make my life matter. My life is completely pointless if the only things I want to accomplish are getting engaged, making friends, getting good grades, and having a job I love during my short time here.
The big one in my life right now is getting engaged. Let me just tell you, it’s dang hard to watch all your friends get engaged when you’re sitting here with a bare left hand even though you’ve known you wanted to marry your boyfriend since day one over two years ago. I’ve gotten SO caught up in how hard it is that I’ve honestly probably ruined it for myself and Ryan. Talking about the fact that I’m not yet engaged either makes me mad, upset, or anxious. Why? Because I’ve relied on it to fulfill me, satisfy me, and make my life matter. I think that I NEED a ring on my finger for my life to be complete. Nope, I’m wrong. I need God to make my life complete. I’m incredibly thankful that God is revealing this to me now before I get engaged so that when it does happen, I won’t be setting myself up for failure. An event, ring, and title is not what will satisfy me. Will it make me joyful? DUH. I’m going to be so pumped and I can’t wait to marry my best friend! But it’s not what my satisfaction is grounded in.
Another theme in my life is always wanting to be invited to events. I never feel like I have enough friends, and I always think I’ll be fulfilled when I’m invited to hang out with THOSE people or go to THAT event. I always long for closer relationships and friend groups like those around me when really THAT WON’T SATISFY ME. (Sorry I’m having to yell at myself for it sink in).
Something I have always struggled with is my grades. I think that making straight A’s will make my life matter. It will give me purpose, and it will make me feel satisfied. Nope. Still not God, so still not satisfied. I could make 100 A’s and still not be satisfied.
Lastly, I love my profession. Really. I love being a social worker, and I cant’t wait to have a real (paid, please) job doing a profession that I love. BUT HELPING PEOPLE WILL NOT SATISFY ME. Okay, that sounds really extreme, but honestly I can help people all day long, and it will make me tremendously happy. I know 100% that God placed me in this profession to glorify Him. However, helping people will not satisfy me. God alone will satisfy me.
God alone will make me complete, whole, satisfied, fulfilled, and will make my life matter.
All of these things make me happy, and they are all from God. They have all been given to me from Him. Ryan and I’s relationship is so clearly from God (see other blogs for this topic). The friends I have and the friends I want to have are from God. My grades and my profession are from God. But they cannot and will not satisfy me like only God can and will.
Lord, give me the self-control, motivation, faith, and patience needed to remember that You are the only thing that will satisfy my soul.