Here’s the thing. I see all these blogs that are 10 Things I Look for in a Husband and I’m intrigued… until I get to the second point. It usually goes like “he must have blue eyes” or “he must do all the working while I stay at home with our five kids”. I could write a whole different blog on how I don’t enjoy lists like that but regardless, it inspired me to make my own list. Spoiler: Everyone messes up, no one is perfect. No one can live up to these standards all the time and I don’t expect them to. This is simply a list of things I value in a relationship and a partner.
Note: I started trying to write this as if I was still looking for someone who has all of these qualities for the sake of the blog, but I just couldn’t. Aka this will probably turn into a “bragging about my boyfriend” blog but I TRIED, OKAY?
1. A solid relationship with Christ. I’ve learned that you have to be in a good relationship with Jesus before you can enter into a relationship with another person. If one person isn’t in good standing with God, all that person does is hinder the other person’s spiritual life. I need someone who pulls me closer to God instead of being a distraction that stands in between me and God. Basically, this is what I want… “For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you– that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.” (Romans 1:11-12) Some of my favorite moments with Ryan are when we are sharing sermon notes, worshiping together, or reading our Bibles together. Sometimes we slack, but having someone who encourages me to be closer to Jesus is exactly what I need.
2. A sense of humor. I’m funny. Seriously. I’m the funniest person I know. Laughing is easily my favorite thing in the world. I want to be able to laugh at, be laughed at, and laugh with my husband.
3. A willingness to do life together. Ryan has legitimately taken me to the dentist before. If that’s not a prime example of “doing life together”, I don’t know what is. I want to be able to just do daily activities together. We don’t have to go out on fancy dates every time we’re together. Besides, I actually have fun going grocery shopping with Ryan. You learn way more about a person by walking alongside them in their everyday life than you do by creating a whole different life with just the two of you.
4. A recognition of the importance of family and friends. Family and friends are really important to me. In some instances, I would choose them over Ryan. I’d expect for him to choose his family and friends over me sometimes too. It’s also important for me to know and be involved in the lives of his family and friends. And I want the same for mine, as well.
5. Respect. It’s typical (especially in the Christianity world) for a man to expect respect from the woman while the woman has no expectations about the man regarding respect. I’ve learned that respect is so so so so so important in a relationship. First, I want my opinions, thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc. to be heard and respected instead of dismissed. It doesn’t have to be mutually agreed upon, as long as what I say is valued and heard. Also, I want to be respected physically. Ryan has beyond impressed me in this area. He asks about EVERYTHING. I’m pretty sure he even asked before he ever hugged me. I didn’t know that simply asking before acting would make me feel so respected. Relationships are easier when there is a mutual respect for each other and each other’s bodies.
6. An ability to work well together. Being able to accomplish a task with another person efficiently without ending up hating each other is kind of rare. I want to be able to fix the kitchen sink alongside my husband without fighting. We’re on the same team which means we should make a good team while working.
7. Dreams and aspirations. I don’t really care about the specific goals he has in mind, I just want him to dream big. I want to know that he sees himself doing something that he loves in the future. I also want to see him working towards his goals. Ryan’s going to be a graphic designer and I’m going to be a social worker. In other words, we’re going to be poor. However, hearing him talk about all these things he wants to do and seeing him get excited when he accomplishes something makes me way more proud than a big paycheck could.
8. A servant heart. It’s simple. I like helping and serving others. A lot. I want my husband to serve alongside me and to enjoy doing it. I also want to be able to serve each other.
9. Similar to me. I know you’re thinking about that saying opposites attract. That’s so not the case for me. I want to have similar interests, beliefs, values, everything. I just get along better with people who have things in common with me.
10. Values communication. COMMUNICATION IS SO IMPORTANT IN RELATIONSHIPS. Oh my goodness. If we can’t talk for more than five minutes without running out of things to say, it won’t work. I want to be able to talk for hours. I also want to be able to sit in comfortable silence. Oh, and tell me all of your thoughts and feelings while you’re at it. Ryan and I love asking each other “why” after we express some kind of thought or feeling. That little word leads to some great conversation.
Well, there’s my list that turned a little bit into bragging. Forgive me. What’s on your list of qualities you look for in a mate?